The first time Monsieur contacted me my face lit up. Every time he would text me I couldn’t help but to get all giddy and crap (insert eye roll). I liked the feeling but yet I didn’t. It’s an Aries thing I guess.
Anyway, eventually we started hanging out on our own. There was this one time when he cooked me an AMAZING dinner. When I entered into his residence I was overwhelmed with all the tantalizing smells and aromas coming from his kitchen. Needless to say as soon as I took a bite of his well thought and planned out meal I was in heaven. OMG, all the flavors just sat on my tongue and melted down my throat and it was like ecstasy. (insert heart eyes) I was so thoroughly impressed, that moment left a lasting impression with me.
Now the other times we would hang out, watch movies, etc… The company and the conversation was well worth the time. I was actually becoming comfortable with someone on my own terms and not because they were pressuring me. This was progress (insert a sigh of relief).
<<REWIND>>Lets back track a second. When I first met Monsieur, although the vibe was high, I was still apprehensive about wanting to get to know him. After dealing with Lucifer I was pretty much through with men for like forever (insert black heart). But, after much contemplation I decided it couldn’t hurt to see if I could gain a friend out of the situation. I mean hey, Monsieur was definitively different and we had so much fun together. (insert smiley face).
There was a span of about two weeks after we met that we really didn’t talk. I was living my life and he was living his. With some encouragement I hit him back up to see how he was and from there we just hit it off again. I was like damn this dude it live. This can possibly turn out to be a great friendship.
<<FAST FORWARD>> Life was hitting Monsieur with a whammy. He had some personal challenges he was tackling and me being me I wanted to support him through it.
<<PAUSE MOMENT>> I have to explain “ME” to you all. I am the type of person who likes to make memories. If you deprive me of the ability to make a memory with you or to support you then it’s a turn off because I feel as if you are pushing me away. I have discovered along my journey that part of my purpose is to be that support for people. I will pray for you, be there for you if you are sick, do whatever I can to make things better in your situation. If I say I am your friend then best believe I got you…. Just DON’T BETRAY ME. If you betray me you are DEAD to me…. Now… let’s return to my story…
<<UNPAUSE AND PLAY>> Monsieur began to fade to black. Since we openly communicated we talked about it and it came out that he really didn’t want to be my friend. (insert broken heart) I was pretty hurt but I was “def” going give him what he asked for. It was tough going from consistently talking to someone to not being able to but I somehow seemed to manage. I missed my friend but I told myself that I was going to do things differently this time and not fight for someone who wasn’t fighting for me.
The biggest disappointment in this and GREATEST LESSON as well was the fact that I actually chose him. Not because of superficial reasons but because I liked his personality and I liked him as a person. He didn’t pressure me, try to control me, none of that. He let me vibe and be free. He let me chose him on my terms. I respected that. It taught me that my past should not/ and does not define my present or my future. I can alter my experiences and be in control of my decisions.
I had to accept the memories that were created and release the person. Ultimately, I know that I am a damn good friend and person and if he was willing to miss out on that then “AU REVIOR MONSIEUR”.
It was challenging moving forward but if you can live without me…. (insert looking eyes)…. I can live without you! My birthday came and went…no text, no call, nothing…and that was all the confirmation I needed. (Insert sigh)
<<THEN CAME BABY JESUS>>