I wrote this May 4, 2015. I posted it on a previous blog I used to have. I felt the need to revisit this moment. Time has come full circle.
A fire is raging. It started under my feet and spread up my legs, across my arms and through my fingers. It enflamed my neck and consumed my head. The heat became unbearable. It was so excruciating that my flesh could not withstand it; so it gave up and burned away. My muscles had no strength left so they withered in the flames. My bones fought a good fight, but even they began to char under the heat and pressure and turned to ash.
The match was lit with self-doubt, self-hate, greed, unforgiveness, manipulation, and immaturity, everything that was working against my purpose. Then I dosed myself with negativity and worry and it sparked a flame. As the spark began to take its effect I decided to consume my sight with the degrading images from the media and the news. I opened my ears to desolate music and empty words from empty people. I fed myself a big portion of hostility and agonistic pleasure dished out by society’s master chef. I touched every poisonous and thing of rancor I could find. The spark turned into full-fledged flames…. I was on fire…. I was dying.
My soul left my body and I found myself watching me burn. I watched as my lifeless body disappeared and vanished as the winds began to blow me away. I watch myself disintegrate. I watched myself die…. And that is when I woke up and began to live again.
God is so creative and masterful. That day I lay on my bedroom floor crying out to Him to help me. To fix me. To make me right. He remembered that day even when I had forgotten it. He saw what I was allowing to happen to myself. He saw that I was losing control, that I was losing myself. He saw me dying. So He allowed the fire to burn…to burn away my flesh. To burn away the spite and resentment. The residue of living in this world. He allowed me to die to self so that I could live in Him.
That pain, that agony that I was experiencing was connected to the releasing of the things that were holding me back from my purpose. From me reaching my destiny. I had to let go. I had to decrease so He could increase. So that what I eluded from my being was no longer tainted by the strife of this world. I can now be a light to this world. I can now be a living portrayal of the love of Christ. I can now be free.
What do you need to let go of? What is keeping you from fulfilling your purpose? What is keeping you from being free?
Let the fire burn, let it rage, let it turn to ash all of the things that have held you in bondage. Let God fulfill the request that you asked of Him. Have you forgotten? Because He hasn’t.
Be encouraged! Be free!