You can’t continue to live off feelings and emotions. They have a tendency to blind you from reality and give you a distorted perception. –FG#
Oh how easy it is to throw a pity party. It’s even easier to pull out a pillow and sleep in a bed of grief and despair. You find comfort in blame shifting….It’s all their fault and sometimes “my fault”. The world is a grimy and shady place to exist in. Nothing ever goes your way, the favor of life very rarely makes an appearance. So you quit. You give up on life, on your dreams, your business, your relationships, God, everything. You become contented just existing; waking up to the same mundane routine and life. You begin to die a slow excruciating death of boredom and inadequacy. Where did you go wrong? How did you get to the point of quitting?
When you quit you are sending signals to your brain that register in your thought process that you are a failure….you have failed. You are a walking disaster. Nothing ever works out and you are not equipped to do anything successfully. Imagine that, you succeeding at something on a level you have only dreamed of! So you begin the practice of self-doubt and insufficiency.
If you take a moment to look back over your childhood you will realize you didn’t just start feeling like this. You have been practicing being a quitter your whole life. As a child you claimed you’d rather try something else. When you were a teenager you’d say you were no longer interested. As an adult you just said “I QUIT” and would walk away.
When you have become proficient in a task it starts to become second nature. You have become an expert in quitting that’s why it is so easy to pack your bags and catch the next train out of dodge. It is your weaknesses telling your strengths that I am stronger than you. Sounds weird right? How can a weakness be stronger than a strength? A weakness only becomes strong when you are continuously feeding it. You can feed it with uncertainty, negativity, the opinions of others, hate, anger, etc… You can’t feed both at the same time. If you are nourishing your weaknesses with negativity you are starving your strengths from becoming more confident.
Let’s take a self- evaluation. What have you been thinking about? What have you been talking about? What have you been writing about in your journal? Everything you think, speak and write will start to create your life’s experience. Now, don’t get me wrong self-expression is wonderful but you have to be mindful how deep and dark you allow yourself to travel. If an experience has left you feeling trapped and embarrassed how much of those emotions are you allowing yourself to embrace before you release and invite more positive feelings into the situation?
As a youth I found myself in situations that were out of my control. I was abused and homeless the majority of my childhood, shifted from place to place to live. Finally we ended up living in a car while I was in high school. Those years were filled with tears and extreme trauma for me. In order to survive and cope I created a new reality in my subconscious. In this reality I would escape during the hardest of times. This was my place of solace and hope. I had an awesome life in the world I created it was much better than reality. Without realizing it I had quit. I had quit life, people and myself. I had allowed myself to embrace the darkness to the extent I formed a false light that took me away from life as I knew it.
Before I knew it I was quitting things left and right. If they were not the way I wanted it to be, if situations didn’t make me feel comfortable I’d quit. If someone treated me unfairly or lied on me I quit. I was comfortable quitting and giving up. I found myself accomplishing less and regretting more. I had already embodied that I was a failure…if I wasn’t then why did I go through what I went through. Why did those things happen to me? Why wasn’t I good enough?
It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I had a defining moment. I had allowed my life to control me. I needed to switch the script and start controlling it. The impression my childhood had made on me wasn’t a good one but each day I have the ability to release my past and create a better future.
I began to realize that I quit because “I CARED TOO MUCH!” I cared too much about what people thought about me and how they viewed me. I cared too much about what other people were doing and not enough about what I needed to do. I cared too much about what I hadn’t accomplished and celebrated too little what I had accomplished. I cared too much about small things and not enough about the bigger things. I had minimized my capacity to receive by looking at what I was supposedly lacking. I had allowed people and things to define me and never took the time to define myself. I simply cared too much about things that really didn’t matter. I had given my power away to the lowest bidder and didn’t keep any for myself.
I had to grow up. I had to develop thicker skin and a more independent personality. No more approval addiction. I needed to re-evaluate and change my perspective. My priorities were out of order. Not every word that came out of someone’s mouth was/is significant. This was the root of why I wanted to give up…. Because I felt like I was failing people therefore rendering me inadequate.
To be continued….